The other night, Leah and I watched some TV for the first time in a long time! (Since we dont have an antenna connected to ours at home, we dont have TV reception). Sure we watch shows from our NAS, but we dont watch free to air TV anymore.
The lucky show that got our attention was a Kitty Flanagan live comedy show. If youve never seen her before, do yourself a favour, and check her out. One of the few hilarious female comedians, that doesnt make her entire show based around being female!
Anyway, during the show, one topic was toilet etiquette. As in, do you talk to others, do you sneak out if you make noises or smells etc.
To which Leah responded “Worst person Ive ever been to the toilet with who didnt stop talking to entire time, was your mum.” MY MUM? Seriously. I was stunned.
I mean, I know mum could talk. A LOT sometimes. But toilet talk. I was surprised. In addition, it got me to thinking about toilet etiquette between females and males.
What is it with women going in pairs or groups to the toilet. You do NOT need to battle it in united solidarity. You do NOT need to go with friends. Its a female thing, I really do not understand.
“Oh I might go to the toilet, wont you come with me” is not a question thats EVER crossed my mind. Or passed through my lips.
For me, toileting is a private thing. You dont go with friends. You dont talk to others. What you do, is sneak in hopefully without anyone noticing. And if you happen to enter and there is already someone there, you sneak into a cubicle and wait them out. Or you check if they might be a while (Based on noises/grunts etc) and you add up if you can be in and out before they are done. Either way, you do NOT want to be seen leaving the toilet.
It gets especially bad at my current workplace. The male staff toilet is directly opposite reception, and Heathers desk. Which means every time I enter, I feel like she knows. Which in turn means upon exit, she can look up and smile. Im sure its all friendly, and a generic “How are you” smile, but it could also be a “I know how long you’ve been in there” smile, which in turn becomes a “What the hell were you doing in there” smile.
So here is my process:
- Sneak in without Heather noticing
- Assess the surroundings. If anyone already there, then listen carefully and decide upon a quick stop, or wait them out.
- If its a quick stop, then get it done, get out as fast as possible.
- If its a Wait out, hope it doesnt take too long. As Heather will know.
- Finish your business, clean up and walk out casually (regardless of a Quick Stop or Wait Out), trying to avoid eye contact with Heather and her all knowing smile.
- Get back to my desk quietly.
It’s a problem I live with every working day, and makes a simple toilet stop into an epic, spy like stealth mission.
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